My friends, they love my intelligence
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
MIDGETS
????
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
