dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
NoShamevember. You game?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
