My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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