my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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