4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
