Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
