I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
