I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have aggressive nipples.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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