I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
