you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
