North Korea, Best Korea!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
