in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
