he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
