census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
