the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
