youre lurking in front of me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
