I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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