I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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