we have pet lesbian snakes
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
