So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
