He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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