I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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