Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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