True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
