Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
