Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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