Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i think i just lost a toe
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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