If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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