I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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