Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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