I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
