I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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