i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
