Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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