I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
