By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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