Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
