she woke up with a sticky ear
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
