break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
