I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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