i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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