I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
