his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
