If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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