Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
