First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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