I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
