She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
that may or may not have been my penis.
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