you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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