everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I need moral support for this bender
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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