Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
