i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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