I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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