I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
